Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
