then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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