Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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