Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
