ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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