check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
