there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
