Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize