ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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