Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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