I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
