he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
