Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize