The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
