what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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