U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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