can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
