My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Mom said you looked used
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
