All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
