my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
