I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
