I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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