Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
