How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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