I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize