As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
