i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
