why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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