My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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