I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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