I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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