People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drake has all the answers
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
