Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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