i need an iv and a liver transplant
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
