Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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