Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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