i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize