The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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