sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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