how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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