In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
