I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize