That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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