Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
