I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
