The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's never too late to be topless.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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