So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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