i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
