I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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