So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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