All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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