she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
