Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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