I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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