you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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