you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
