Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
