barbara walters just said penis...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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