It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
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You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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