I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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