Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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