bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
