How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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