Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
