I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
