I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
