i jhust puked up my retainher.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just found puke in my bra..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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