I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
