Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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