their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
