So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Congratulations! We have a period
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