Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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