He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
