Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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