I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
