community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
how drunk are you?
Several
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
